~Witness protection~

Yes… it sounds all romantic and the movies make it appear to be something ‘safe’… a solution to the problems. The bad guy will not find you, you are ‘safe’ and carefree, but still… you look over your shoulder. You wonder… who is he? Is it that man at the grocery store? Is it that guy who stared at me in the park?

The fear never leaves you… You are always wondering, pondering… looking over your shoulder.

Dr Frinkleton said… the fear… the pain, it would subside… it would ebb with time. I am still waiting. I am still afraid. My heart is still aching. I still feel dead inside.

That night… that ‘thing’ that happened… I cannot think of it.   It will kill me.  The last of ‘me’ will be obliterated with the thought.  So I ‘pretend’… I ride the bus and sit next to Skip and pretend to be happy.

In the busHe does not know my pain, he does not know my history…I am a ‘ghost’ in the Witness Protection Programme, and I do not exist…

I have to lie… I have to make up false feelings.  This is not real, this is not who I am… but this is who I have to be.

So I pretend.  I lose myself in the simplicity of life.  I remain invisible.  I do my homework…

PretendingIf I try to be good… if I try to be perfect… perhaps things will be normal again.

But what is normal?

ReadingI scour the newspapers for traces of me.  Who am I really?  I don’t remember…I am so used to being this other person.  This something else… I look for clues about my family.  I search for answers to ‘that night’.  But I find nothing.

I am lost, I am alone… yet I find solace in one place, this makes me feel complete in a way.  I can feel myself healing slowly…

Peace… when I play my guitar.

The music soothes my soul, it calms it.  I begin to feel some hint of  ‘wholeness’ again.  I begin to smile more, I start to pretend less…

You can make me whole again… I start to think about a ‘safe’ future.  Can I have that?  Can that be my life?

I become confident, I become blasé.  I forget that I have to be wary.  I forget that I must keep myself  ‘safe’ by being inobtrusive.  I make a big mistake…

Protesting… I find my voice, but in that same instant I lose everything.  I am such a fool!

The Witness Protection Unit tell me I have exposed myself.  They tell me I must leave…  I have compromised my safety.  I have to run again…

TransitionI hate to run!  I ran already… I don’t want to run.  My foster parents have been good to me.  I love them, they are all I have.  But… again, I have to lose everything… I have to be alone.

Birthday’s are supposed to be happy… I assure you that mine is not.  This will be my final night here… tomorrow I have to face the unknown.  I have to leave Riverview… I have to start fresh in a town I do not know.

Tomorrow, my life starts in Sunset Valley… but before I go, a lawyer comes…he brings me a box.  It belonged to my mother.  She left it to me.

I dare not open it… I don’t want to think about that… so instead I run, as fast and far as I can…

… I can’t think about this today, I will think about it tomorrow.

*inspired by Season 1, Episode 5 of “The Soprano’s”*

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9 comments

  1. worsiedog · November 2, 2009

    Sorry for the delay. Sick kids, internet downtime and upload issues hindered this post.

    I hope you like.

    *edit* Apologies for the walldown bathroom pic, the room was so tiny, I could not manage to get the camera in there properly, though I have been practicing that 😉

  2. moondaisy101 · November 3, 2009

    I like! I like it a lot!
    Still can’t work out exactly who it is… great witness protection program! 🙂

    • worsiedog · November 3, 2009

      Thanks moondaisy 😀

      I really was annoyed with the upload issue I was having, but it appeared to correct itself -sort of.

  3. Rad · November 3, 2009

    Great: and the moving to SV idea is a good one for starting again.

    • worsiedog · November 3, 2009

      Thanks Rad, I had no other options, there was no legacy house… LOL

      Anyway, the story progression seems better in SV so hopefully it will be a good move for future generations.

  4. nessva · November 3, 2009

    Is it Valentia? I can’t tell..
    Great chapter, I look forward to the new start in SV.
    Sorry that you lost everything worsiedog =/

  5. worsiedog · November 3, 2009

    Thanks nessva, it’s ok though, it made me get really creative… I can’t wait to write the next few chapters.

    Yes it is Valentia… Evangeline was the only blonde CrinkleWinkle:( who is gone forever! *shakes fist*

  6. catherinesims3 · November 12, 2009

    Oooh, that was a neat idea to move her to SV.

    • worsiedog · November 12, 2009

      There was no other way to explain the story. It would have been ‘illogical’ and ‘inefficent’ *giggle*, well in my view anyway, to have her restart over on the same lot in Riverview.. also all the memories… it would have made the story too gloomy.

      It also solved *touch wood*, I hope the story progression issues I have had with Riverview.

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