~15 Summer Hill Court~

15 Summerhill CourtThis is it?  This is 15 Summer Hill Court?

But… there is nothing on it?  When the estate agency said ‘wide open spaces’, I certianly did not think they meant this!  I guess it is ironic, it explained the emptiness I felt.  Look how small and insignificant I am.

Mom had opened savings accounts for Evangeline and I to be released when we became YA.  It was not much yet, but I used that to buy this… open expanse of nothingness…

It’s hard to mention their names… it makes my chest constrict… it makes me get short of breathe… when I think of them… of that night… sometimes the panic overwhelms me and I pass out.  I know it is silly, I know things are the way they are, because they are… but still, I cannot fight the fear.  I just feel different.  I feel lost and incomplete, and I can’t think of that night without fear, or even my future for that matter.

I am not optimistic, I am not a “happy-joy-gay” sim… I am sad… I am alone.

Are people looking at me?  Do they think I am strange, do they see me sweating, battling to breathe, panicking?  Could they be my enemy?  Could they be the ones who killed my family?  Do they know that mom was a thief?  Do they judge me because of it?

I don’t mind that mom was a thief, she was not a bad person.  She did not kill people.  She just stole things, rich people  paid mom to steal stuff, usually their own stuff for insurance purposes.  Is that really a bad thing?  Maybe not, but it taints me and makes me dirty… and people know, I know they know, I know they talk, I see it when they stare at me.

And then of course, there is my habit… I cannot stop it, it is genetic afterall… I am a kleptomaniac… it is like a stigmata in a way.

Dr Frinkleton said they are ‘panic attacks’… he said I have Social Anxiety Disorder.  Even before I start life out as a YA, I am branded.  “Look, there goes that SAD! sim.”, as they point and look and laugh at me.

Dr Frinkleton cannot help me anymore though, he is in Riverview, he is in my past.  He refers me to Dr Lippinschnickin.  I hope I can survive without calling him.

I pull my chin up, and  I become practical.  Obviously I need a bed, I am not one for “ants in my pants”.  There is one other thing that I know will give me peace… I buy a guitar.

Releasing my soulThis is the only way I cope with the crowds, this is the only way I forget they are looking at me.  I am always happier when I do this.

Have you ever noticed the ants on a picnic blanket?  * I bet you answered…no *

InsignificanceYou answered “no” because they are so small and insignificant… I do not feel like that when I have my guitar with me… when I play it I feel wholeness, I feel larger than life.

Something happens in the park, the last possible thing I could have imagined for myself.  I find a friend.

A friendHis name is Christopher.  I sleep well that night, I sleep longer than I expected.  Perhaps the emotions of the day overcome me…

Release… but for the first time in a long time, there are no nightmares.

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9 comments

  1. moondaisy101 · November 4, 2009

    Bravo, worsiedog! 🙂
    You are back on track and hell, does this girl have character!

    BTW I love the new lay out of the web site and the banner is absolutely lovely! Well done, girl, keep the good work up!

  2. worsiedog · November 4, 2009

    Thanks moondaisy, I know your encouragement is always heartfelt!

    Valentia has to have “moxie” for what is to come 😉 and besides, she went through an extremely tramatic event, of course it would leave her scarred and with emotional bagagge/psychological conditions but she is a CrinkleWinkle afterall.

    To date they have been bred with *cojones*

    As for the banner *rolls eyes*, it would not load at all last night, and went back to the sadish default ANTHONY from wordpress helped me again with that!

    Thanks Anthony!

  3. nessva · November 4, 2009

    Nice banner worsiedog, it’s pretty! 🙂
    I feel so so bad for Valentia, she just seems so lost and empty. I hope she’ll find her nitch though, do I sense a Christopher Steel marriage? or is he just a friend?

    • worsiedog · November 4, 2009

      Lol! Christopher Steel has a soft spot in my heart as well as Valentia’s, but I guess we will see. When she was lost and alone, he was the one who came to her. That interaction in the park was his doing.
      I had Valentia collecting seeds which I did not mention, and well.. he came over and started chatting!

      Thanks about the banner… LOL, it gave me lots of frustration last night, but at least Anthony fixed it for me.

      I love wordpress support, they are so on the ball, somehow with the timelines, Anthony always gets to help me.

      Anyway… moving along…I am glad you got the “lost and empty” part, that was really what I was trying to convey in this chapter.

      Valentia did lose her entire family afterall. This chapter has lots of symbolism.

      Thanks for your comments as always nessva, you encourage me to continue.

  4. DB loves her Mac · November 8, 2009

    I agree that the banner is awesome! Full of hiddenness, wariness, and just a dash of hope.

    Great recovery! I wonder what trait she got on her young adult birthday, and what her LTW is… where will her strange new life take her?

    • worsiedog · November 8, 2009

      Thanks DB! I was trying to get a guarded mysteriousness with a hint of hope sort of feeling from the banner, so I am glad you felt that.

  5. catherinesims3 · November 12, 2009

    I just can’t tell you how much I like the way you carried on after your total loss of save data. I mean, WOW. It was hard for me and I didn’t even have a plot. The way you worked it into the story is very, very impressive! And – we’ll get to see more lawn living and the construction of a new legacy house. That’s often my very favorite part of a legacy – when we get to see the first nice house the hard working lawn Sims have built up from scratch. Oh, YAY!

    • worsiedog · November 12, 2009

      Thanks Catherine… 🙂

      As I said before, I think the loss of data was the best thing for me. A few good friends of mine have always told me how well I express myself in words… on paper.

      I took that to heart and thought about it for a few days and came up with this tiny idea… but really the game snowballed it into what it is now.

      Lawn living is my favorite part of a legacy so there will be lots of that for awhile, also although Valentia is a klepto, she is more interested in the beauty around her and does not concern herself with stealing at this stage.

      I learnt alot from reading my favorite simmers blogs regarding screenshots and also from that extremely large house I built. The new legacy house will be planned and less compulsive.

  6. Pingback: 11 Nov, 2009 – Part 1 « The Freewill Experiments

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